The first step to being authentic - realizing when you're mimicking

-
A couple of weeks ago when I was getting advice from someone about negotiating, he said "remember to be authentic".

The phrase stuck with me, but I didn't think about it in much depth.

It came back to me today in another context. It helped that I was vacation for a week, so I was looking at work (and how I work) with fresh-ish eyes.





  • In a meeting today, I found myself suddenly stepping back and looking at my behavior.  I wasn't acting like I was when I ran meetings a couple of years ago, but it was suspiciously like someone I used to work with a year ago.
  • Earlier in the day, I was having a slightly tense discussion with someone and I found my tone suddenly sharp, hesitating on my words to use and being suddenly passive aggressive - something uncharacteristic to me - and so immediately also unpleasant for me. I realized I was simply matching the tone of the person I was having a discussion with. 

In both cases I was mimicking - copying behaviors I'd seen before in similar context.
  • In the first case, I was copying someone I thought was extremely effective in that context 
  • In the second case, I simply mirroring the behavior of the person that had initiated the context
These aren't necessarily bad things. In fact, it's how most people act. It just isn't necessarily the most effective or the most pleasant thing long term.


Why isn't it the most pleasant?
Let's go to Gandhi for this one:
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

If you're mimicking style or substance, it's likely you're departing from what you'd usually say or think.

Why isn't it the most effective?
  1. In the second case, its pretty obvious - mimicking sub-optimal behavior is, well... sub-optimal
  2. In the first case, this might even be good. If you're emulating a pattern you know worked, it could be very effective. However, ultimately if the pattern doesn't feel like yours (or you don't work on it till it does) it may not be as effective. 
So what do you do about it?
  1. Recognize the mimicking - knowing is half the battle
  2. Think hard (ideally before you're in those situations) about how you'd ideally act
  3. Watch yourself during these situations - being aware and present allows you the chance to change what you don't like
I'm mid-way through (2) right now on a couple of these situations. :-)

  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A short love letter to ~8 years on Google Search - 8 things I’m grateful for.

-
  After a few weeks off, I started a new gig within Google yesterday and it hit me that for the first time in almost eight years I won’t be working on some part of Google Search. Eight years ago, I told the team when I was interviewing that I was “looking for a place to call home for a while and grow there”. My experiences here more than met that need.  I used to write a regular “10 things about…” listy column for a while at a college newspaper. So in that style here’s 8 things (one for each year) I feel grateful to have experienced/learned in this time. Also, like that column which I banged out the night before it was due, this post is something that I don’t need to do, yet I feel somehow compelled to do (and so it’ll likely be longer and less crisp than it should be :-))    It actually is awesome to work on something so many people use and love, and that positively touches people’s lives. There’s a talk I give externally about Search and a line I often end up ...
Read more

Why don't you love Chocos, America?

-
Image
A few days ago I had the following conversation with a customs agent at San Francisco airport - as an Indian returning from India I get sent to the customs line even when I check "No food" on the customs form. :-) Agent: "Any food?" Me: "No" Agent: "Sure? No jira or cadipatta ? Me : "No....     well actually I do have a box of cereal." Agent: "Huh. What? Really?" Me: "Yes. Its a brand you don't get here." Agent: "Seriously. Even in the Indian stores? I've never heard that before." Me: "Ummm....yeah." I love reading local customization stories, particularly about how international chains tailor their offerings to local markets - the food industry has the best examples of these - check out this McDonald's story about the McPaneer , or how KFC is incredibly successful in China . But I seem to have missed that the customization extended to breakfast cereal. Turns out the ...
Read more

What might Twitter and/or Facebook have cost us if they were invented earlier (or should some things stay deliberately un-social?)

-
Image
So I was reading an ebook last week, and came across a quote that I liked. My first thought wasn't "I should write this down" , it was "I want to tweet this." My ebook reading software wasn't equipped for it, and it wasn't trivial to do so I didn't, but I expect most ebook reading software will be updated to do this in the next couple of releases and probably encourage me to as well. Why should reading be left behind? Twitter is already saving live TV . As I look back on the last week watching the Cricket World Cup , a huge part of it for me was watching my Twitter and Facebook feeds for reactions and being part of them. My parents were the only ones that actually called me during the match, but I felt connected to so many more people through FB and the Big T . Wether you're shopping, eating out, playing games, even searching ... apparently "everything gets better with social." We all have a very human, internal urge to express ours...
Read more